It's never easy.

It's 3.35am.

If only it was as easy as that.

::::

Sometimes I just wonder. 

If two different people said two different things.

Who would other people believe in?

-

How I wished that other people knew what's going on. Gonna die soon. Just figuring out what kind of ideas she's got in her mind. If you're thinking that I'm jealous of her. THINK AGAIN. No way would I be. Do you know the feeling of watching people lie when you know the truth behind it all? Just watching the words come out of their mouth with a slight grin on their face. In your mind you know that it's all not true but you never defend, you just let it go. Why? I seriously do not know. Maybe just trying to leave them with their dignity. I'm nice.

I watched you speak of those words. Lies. You thought that I would never find out. You thought I was stupid, foolish, dumb. THINK AGAIN. I can't believe I actually treated you as a close friend. You treated me like nothing. Something that you used just for a certain reason. I still remember how I cared for you so much. Talking to you, listening to you when you broke up. You threw so many foul words at me which I couldnt stand. But I accepted them, cause I knew you were unhappy. In school, I accompanied you to wherever you wanted to go cause you were alone. Every night, wishing you goodluck and asking you to cheer up. Dahell. Now I know what kind of person you are. If you wanted him so badly, just take him. Nobody's standing in your way. But in the process of doing it, would you just leave irrelevant people alone? C'mon. Trying to make other people pity you and think that I'm trying to take away a person from you? I expected more from you. He, yeah a crush. But we're like normal friends. We never talk except during tuition. While the both of you are in the same class. What do you expect would happen? But you, coming in and doing all these little tricks of yours. We don't even say Hi anymore. Thankyouverymuch. 

Everybody thinks that I don't know anything. That's the killer part.

Hearing lie after lie from other people that are trying to reassure me that everything's okay. I don't blame them. I seriously don't. 

Every day, coming back to a whole mind of this. I can't stand it seriously. The only thing I can do is say goodbye to this story that never even started. It's not easy. It's never easy. I don't wanna be in this mess. So I'm trying. 

Thankyou for letting me go through all this, learning a new life lesson, crying a little more, becoming a little stronger. It's your mistakes that makes you grow. It's my mistakes that makes me stronger.

Gor said that things were held to be set free.
I'm on the way. I hope.

So who do you believe in now?

Shzexian.

Fullstop.

月老的红线，从一开始就没打算把我们牵在一起.

::::

I guess our story ends here.

Comma or Fullstop?

 

I had a whole stack of paper beside me with a typewriter in my hand. The storyline of my life was for me to control. The words that were printed on the paper were like parts of me that was once the present but now history. I was writing the part where you stepped in one day. I wrote you as a shining star that flew across my window one night. So much that I saw in you. Our story had been like any old teenager's story. Never did I know that our circle could be destroyed. Never. I held on to this as hard as I could. I had never stopped trying to turn all these into words. I keep typing and retyping. Using paper after paper. I never realized that when all the paper was gone, it would mean the end of this story. No matter how, still a fullstop. For now all that's left, is a piece of paper. So now do I keep trying? Or write the ending to this story that never started?

::::

Just so you know,

you were once here.

Maybe it was because of her I decided to leave. Not that I wanted to give up, but she just did things that made me so fed up of putting a smile on my face everyday. 

I want to live my life without regrets.

So I guess this is goodbye then?

Bye, daiki.

Now I'm left with used to be's and once upon a time.

Shzexian.

Lifeeeeee.

 

Aisyah and Farhan!  ♥ (:

 too bad Aimran isn't here. haha.

Awesome classmates. 

::::

 

双鱼座
2月19-3月20日

一、追求自我实现。
二、直白而诚实。
三、天真单纯。
四、外表快乐，内心孤寂。
五、喜欢华丽高贵。
六、坚强执著。
七、追求美好的单纯真爱 。
八、至爱比唯一更重要。
九、希望发生奇迹。
十、是只很可爱，让人开心的，小鱼儿。

1、不能计较ta的自私；
2、性格开朗，爱玩爱笑；
3、绝不能挑战他的自尊心；
4、最好不要和双鱼座吵架；
5、双鱼在生气的时候说的话，你不能计较当真；
6、你的外在不能输给大众，即使你不够美到艳压群芳，你起码要是有个性有特色

想和你谈一场永不分手的恋爱，就算吵架，就算生气，就算分开，也会再在一起。
想和你谈一场永不分手的恋爱，就算很忙，很累，只要见到彼此就会温馨一笑，一直走下去。
想和你谈场永不分手的恋爱，蹒跚漫步，夕阳西下，白头到老，相濡以沫。
然后抚着你的脸庞轻声说句：对你的感觉一直都在。

双鱼是个不会说话的星座、笨笨的、傻傻的、呆呆的、
如果、对它好的人、它会对那个对它好的人好上十倍、
对它不好的人、它不会报复、不会记恨、双鱼就是这么的善良、请不要伤害它

亲爱的双鱼，好好爱自己，没人总是心疼你。
如果不开心了，就找个角落大哭一下，你不需要别人同情可怜。
亲爱的自己，学会控制自己的情绪，谁都不欠你，
所以不要随便跟人发脾气耍性子。
亲爱的自己，全世界只有一个你，就算没有人懂得欣赏，
你也要好好爱自己！你要始终相信，tomorrow is another day

最会胡思乱想；直觉最准；最常作鬼脸；
最善良；最温柔；最没有金钱观念；最有女人味；
最念旧；最有牺牲精神；最善解人意；最天真；最爱哭；
记忆力最好；最有书卷味；最易被骗；最浪漫；最好辩；最悲观；
最不势利眼；最有服务精神；最多夜猫族。双鱼，你是这样么？

双鱼喜欢和自己喜欢的人斗嘴,双鱼不擅表达不爱发短信，不爱打电话，
对特别的人会例外双鱼需要慢慢相处，因为双鱼是个被动的星座，
认识时间越久对你越好,喜欢细水长流的感情。
除了感性，双鱼也可以理性的可怕 ，双鱼座的人很没安全感，
真的超级没有安全感。所以要好好对待ta们。

双鱼座的人常常一投入爱情就完全忘了还有一群朋友存在，
只有在感情不顺利时才会又想起来找朋友们诉诉苦，
所以基本上他们很难在两者之间取得平衡，也很少能好好兼顾友情与爱情的关系，
对于双鱼座来说爱情与友情就好像拔河比赛，
顾好爱情就会忽略友情，
顾好友情又会变得缺乏爱情，
这就是他们心中的矛盾点

双鱼最容易爱上不爱自己的人。
也许有人说，双鱼的爱好霸道。
可是，双鱼爱上一个人以后，就想要把自己最好的东西全部都给对方。
也许让双鱼爱上的人看来，这并不是最好的。
可是我们只是傻傻的想把自己最好的变成你的。
希望你珍惜，这不是霸道，是无条件付出。因为，双鱼真的爱了。

1、遇到讨厌的人，宁可受罪也不向对方求助；
2、率真坦白，讨厌被欺骗；
3、冷漠，隐藏属性，对惹火我和纠缠不休的人表现得异常明显；
4、不圆滑不世故不记仇，遇事常犹豫，难以选择；
5、对繁琐的事情没耐心，容易放弃；
6、心地善良，乐于助人，即使不喜欢的也尽力完成

双鱼座的女性性情温柔，易于相处，你的身上有一种令人难以抵御的奇异的魅力。
这是一个浪漫而富于幻想的人，对生活充满热望，但缺乏应变的能力，
因此，你十分需要有人保护。
你喜欢别人把一切都替你安排就序。
这一星座的女性多半象天真可爱的孩子，希望自己是丈夫的掌上明珠

双鱼天生就带着双面的性格，快乐与悲伤、积极与消极、向左与向右....
在他的脑子里，永远有抉择不完的选择题，
所以容易给人一种蜻蜓点水、停不下来的不稳定感。
然而，等到双鱼终于选择好答案、下定离手时，
所展现出来的决心却是异常坚定的

双鱼都是傻妞妞，别人不开心了，双鱼想尽一切办法逗别人开心。
双鱼自己都没有多少的东西，也恨不得一股脑的都分给别人。
可是双鱼也是有心有感觉的，
双鱼也会疲惫也会抱怨，可是别人只会埋怨双鱼变了，
开始瞎想开始胡闹。
大家都说双鱼是个怪异的星座，
其实你们只要拿出双鱼对你们一半的好，双鱼便知足。

『双鱼对好朋友才会这么说』
1、你怎么这么烦人啊；
2、别跟我臭得瑟；
3生病了还到处走，想死啊；
4、我才懒得管你呢；
5、你怎么能跟他在一起；
6、你这么做值么；
7、你俩不合适，分了更好，免得你更伤心；
8、别在那做梦了；
9、为什么不告诉我呢。
10、有我在，不用怕。
是吗？鱼鱼

我微笑时，如果你懂，只要握紧我的手，对我微笑就够了。
我哭泣时，如果你懂，只要借我一个肩膀，静静陪我就够了。
我委屈时，如果你懂，只要给我你的怀抱，让我只在你面前脆弱就够了。
我任性时，如果你懂，就会包容，
因为是你，所以我才对你任性。全世界都可以不懂，
如果你也不懂，我还有什么话可说。

双鱼座最爱我行我素，但他的我行我素并不是不合群，只是偏执地坚持自己的想法。
但双鱼座又不喜欢得失自己在乎的人，
所以这时候更容易妥协，就算他再不高兴，也不会在别人面前表现出来，
宁愿保持适当的沉默。
如果我们肯多听听双鱼座的心声，或者他不会做这个孤独的侠士

双鱼女从不真正的单纯，觉得她太浅太透明的男人们，
那是因为你太没洞察力也太没耐心、太肤浅，
你没有足够的智慧和眼力去读懂真实的她，所以你也无法掌握她的心。
双鱼座的ta会不断的摄取知识并且不停的思考，很在意细节。
当他们正经起来的时候，会说出令你吃惊的的话，不过，若她假装正经的时除外

双鱼座的双重性格非常极端，可以最火热，也可以最冰冷，
但平常会呈现出很中间很和蔼的性格，可以迷惑你，
虽然她们基本上不太会留意到自己的影响力。
很多解析都说双鱼多么浪漫多么不切实际。
我要说的是，浪漫是真，不切实际却不一定。

双鱼脾气有点大，你可以用软的方法，
TA基本都会中招，不好意思再发火，而且TA发完火很快就会好的。
所以你的TA如果是双鱼，不用太介意TA发火。
另外双鱼其实只对很熟悉的人才发火，一般人TA不发，不屑发！
鱼鱼们，给你的朋友们看吧！

双鱼座对于自己不喜欢的人基本上是三懒政策：
懒得搭理、懒得说话、懒得联系。是绝对真诚的小孩子，简单的不喜欢，
但还是会敷衍别人说自己想谁也不耽搁谁。
想顾全对方的面子，不知道如何拒绝对方，但也绝对不会接受。
特别希望对方能看出自己做法的端详后就别理自己就好了。

双鱼座很自卑 很多时不敢去要求别人
只好逼着自己走 然而当事情达不到自己想象的完美时
自虐症便开始发作 向自身发泄情绪.t
a情商其实不高 复原能力慢 固执 很喜欢钻问题空子
所以总是把自己逼在死胡同.人无完人 变数很多
地球不是为了自己而转 别总是把事情看得那么重.能不能爱自己多一点。

【很少有人能压得住双鱼座】
因为双鱼座的人内心非常叛逆。能压住他的，都是愿意被其驯服的那个。
这个人有的某个品质一定是双鱼座的人缺少的，而且是渴望得到的。
所以才会膜拜他，才会甘心被他驯服。
但是双鱼座的人真的好少会打从心底膜拜一个人，
因为他们觉得自己才是最棒的，有木有 。

很偶尔的，你还会找双鱼，联系双鱼，你的突然出现，还是会挑拨双鱼的心弦。
只是，双鱼也学会对你伪装了，不冷不热，不咸不淡，
笑得没心没肺，也不会再流那廉价的眼泪了。
然后听你轻轻地说：“你变了。” 是的，过去的都已经过去了。

当双鱼遇到真爱，就是另一副模样，你发现他失去了以往的潇洒，开始小心翼翼。
面对你，甚至沉默，不敢说过激的笑话，虽然这是个视幽默为生命的星座。
他变得贴心，变得患得患失。
因为他不愿意失去唯一的真爱。是的，在双鱼心中，
真爱就是唯一，不是某一类，而是某一人。

双鱼座的情感太过丰富连自己也无法控制，
又是那种有什么说什么，
快乐与生气都会写在脸上的直肠子个性。
他们根本不知道怎样去掩饰自己的情绪，尤其是失望的时候。
所以在每次的恋爱中，不管他们大多想要保护自己，
但就是会不知不觉中投入了太多的情感，终至无法自拔

我这个人,幼稚、偏激、无理取闹、没有理智、但学会独立乐观自强;我这个人，
没有自知之明,不知轻重,没头没脑,但时常冷静的彷佛看透很多;
我这个人,要强、自私、臭脾气,还有怪洁癖,因为我有思想和处事方式;
我这个人，偏执、死心眼、脑子转不过弯，我觉得不该结束就要坚强
——只因我是双鱼座。

双鱼常常会在不经意间想起曾经的某个人，不是忘不了，而是放不下。
那些不愿再向任何人提起的牵挂，在黑暗的角落里潜滋暗长。
总是在不懂爱的时候遇见了不该放弃的人，
在懂得爱以后却又偏偏种下无意的伤害遇见某个人才真正读懂了爱的含义；
错过某个人，才真正体会到了心痛的感觉.

Why do we always have to say goodbye? ):

Shzexiann.  

Worries.

Everyday, it seems to get worse and worse.

I'm getting more and more worried.

Will we ever be able to talk like we used to?

I loved the way we used to talk randomly.

I wanna talk to you!

About anything and everything.

I wanna listen to you update me about your life.

I really do.

This means alot to me, more than anything else in this world.

I'm trying to find the right moment to say Hi, 

I really am.

hmm?

worried.

I dont wanna be replaced ):

Shzexian.

Broken to pieces.

I thought I could fly, but why did I drown?

::::

I sat on the stairs facing the field in school today. Feeling the wind and watching the clouds in the sky.
All I could think of was everything that has been happening lately. And. what happened last night. Today was just a really tearful day. I couldnt hold in everything yet I couldnt tell anyone either. All these pieces inside of me. It's piercing through and it hurts.

Trying my best.

How I wish that someone would understand. How I wish someone could read my mind and say oh I've been through this before. But now, it seems like nobody has. Alot of people have been telling me to cheer up and not let what the others do affect me. I know and I understand but sometimes it's just harder in real life. Some things wont work with theories.

Sometimes I just wanna close my eyes and walk through life.

For now, I just want someone to sit by my side. Maybe we wont speak words but I just need the company I guess. I wanna cry my heart out. But now, even this is too much to ask.

::::



Pieces.











I'm really sorry. Please don't go.
Shzexian.

Forever and Always.

I love you forever, forever and always.
Please just remember, even if I'm not there.
I'll always love you.
Forever and Always.

-Parachute-

My all time favourite pokemon. (:

pika pika :3

:::

Lately, I've been feeling really down. Moodless day after day. My classmates keep asking me whats wrong. My chinese teacher was like so worried about me. But all I said was "Owh, nothing." In the end my chinese teacher said, " Why dont you like to share your feelings with others?" and I was thinking. 'Cause they aren't the right person. 'Cause im afraid of what might happen. 'Cause I can't play with trust anymore.

My life is like a big ball of wires right now. You know. It's all tangled up together and im trying my best to take it all apart. But wires, with it's sharp ends. To every wrong move you make, you might get hurt. For now, my hands are covered in wounds. Feeling the pain of each cut I get from clearing up this big mess. Am really trying my best but my best just isn't the best.

I thought I could fly, so why did I drown?

::::


Owhh.
My chinese teacher is leaving soon. ):
guohanjie alsoooo. damn it weih. sad dieeee.
I'm gonna miss the smiles that they give me every day. I'm gonna miss the way they cared for me. I'm gonna miss the pats on the back liao lao shi gives me whenever I'm down. Just the little things they do that makes me smile.
Fate, brought us together. And I'm sure even after they leave, fate will bring us back together again. Just like how fate brought guohanjie here to teach after not seeing him for 3 years. (:

Liao lao shi's present in the making. heh.

3 weeks to go.













Forever and always.
Shzexian.

Question.

Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead.

-Someone like you-

Question.

::::

Sometimes life gets you in ways you would never think of. You would never expect things to happen or even end that way but it just does. You thought that everything was perfect but in the end just by adding one person into your life, everything changes. You thought that you had aims and goals that you could work hard for but one person just had to barge in and ruin everything for you. You thought that your friends were angels but slowly they turn into devils. You thought the plaster over the shattered pieces of your heart would stay forever but it gets ripped off by the person that stuck it there. You thought that your life actually changed for once but in the end, its just the beginning again.

::::

Trust.
Words.
Promises.
Hopes.
Truth.
Facts.
Friends?
Lies.
Tears.
Shattered.
Broken.
Tears.


Can you just tell me what's going on now?
I don't care whether it'll hurt me. I just want to know the truth.















I'll rather die right now.
shzexian.